5 things nobody tells you about going back to work after you have a baby

My baby boy is 19 months old now, so that means I’ve been back to work for 7 months already. The time flew by and since I’ve been back at work I’ve definitely gone through an adjustment period, so here goes! The 5 things nobody tells you about going back to work after having a baby:

1. You’ll be in a fog for the first few days.

After going through the most rewarding, challenging and all-consuming experience of having a baby returning to work felt a little weird. I felt like everything at work was exactly the way I left it. The people were the same, the work was the same, but I was different. I felt like I was the only thing that had changed. It was a bit isolating. Sure everyone was asking about the baby and it was nice chatting with everyone again, but part of me didn’t really care because I just missed my kid. After the first week or two I felt more normal, but it took a few days to re-adjust.

2. Keeping up with the housework is like an extreme sport

Before I went on mat leave I had these ideas about how I would balance my time and structure my schedule when I returned to work, but that was before I entered motherhood. Fitting an entire day into 2-3 hours in the evenings after work is insane. Coming home from work in the late afternoon, prepping dinner, cleaning up and trying to catch up on everything is a task in and of itself. With time it gets better. I think of it as a skill, and as time goes by I get better at it. With that said I  choose my battles.  The level of tidiness at any given time in my house has definitely declined since baby arrived.

3. You’ll become more productive than you ever imagined.

You won’t feel that way though because there is no end to the work. The crazy thing is that I accomplish SO MUCH MORE in a day than I ever did before having a baby, but of course now that life is so different I never actually finish everything I want to do. Balancing all of the baby tasks, with work related things, house maintenance and taking care of the husband is a bit ridiculous. There are the same number of hours in the day that there were before, but if you take a moment to think about the sheer number of things you accomplish each day you have to admit it…you’re a ninja now. Even though you don’t check everything off that thousand item to-do list, it is crazy what you are able to do in a day once you have a little one to take care of.

4. Having a toddler is SO MUCH FUN

Yes there is work and tantrums and discipline issues and fussiness. But everyone tells you that. What they DON’T tell you is how much pure silly fun you’ll have with your little person. Everything is new, and they are so curious and playful. There are so many giggles, cuddles, kisses, jokes, and other silly fun times to be had with your baby that your heart will beam with joy and love each and every day. Not all day everyday, but for me I feel this amazing and wonderful amount of love each day. I actually love spending time with my baby because he’s awesome, and I have SO MUCH FUN playing around with him. It needs to be said, because everyone seems to focus on the negative aspects of parenting.

5. You will question your work – even if you like what you do

Work is now equated with time away from your baby. Your time is so much more valuable now. When I’m forced to sit in a meeting for 2 hours doing nothing productive I think about the massive amount of work I could have accomplished in 2 hours at home, or the fun I could have had hanging out with the baby instead. With the new found perspective that you develop after becoming a parent many things that you once thought were super important barely fall on your radar anymore. You are forever changed, and this means that at some point, even if it is only temporary, you’ll question your work. You may not change the situation, but so many women use that creative energy to create businesses or find ways to achieve balance between working and taking care of family business. My ideal situation at the moment would involve part-time work. I find the dual role of full time work and mom challenging, but when I have even one extra day off during a week miracles happen.

Breastfeeding beyond the 1 year mark….while working full time

When I decided to breastfeed I didn’t really have a plan. I felt that breastfeeding was best for my child and I had every intention of doing it. People said that it might be “hard” at first, but I planned to breastfeed no matter what. I didn’t realize that “hard” meant that it could hurt so much that within the first 36 hours I would get to the point where I could no longer put my baby to the breast. I didn’t realize that “hard” meant that in the first week it would take an average of 10-15 tries of putting my son to my breast, taking him of (latching and re-latching) before I would get a proper latch. Or that I would be walking around my house with no top on for the first couple days because my breasts were so sore and raw that putting on a bra was too painful.

After we finally got the latch under control after the first few weeks “hard” meant constantly feeling like I wasn’t making enough milk. “Hard” meant that there were several days when my son would cry off and on and I would end up breastfeeding him ALL DAY LONG. At that stage my mom friends told me that it would get “easier” and to just hang in there. There were times when the people around me couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just give up and start using formula. Fortunately it did get easier during the first 6-8 weeks.

Fast forward 16 months and breastfeeding is like putting on pants in the morning. My now toddler latches himself. There is no pain or discomfort and I have more than enough milk.

I went back to work when my son hit the 1 year mark. I invested in a double breast pump with a battery pack. I pump in the car on the way to work. I was fortunate to be able to pump once during the day at work, and again in the car on my way home. Each day I get about 10 oz or so total (give or take). Clearly I am devoted to the cause. It definitely takes a little planning and a lot of commitment, but I’m up for the challenge.

But now I am facing a bigger challenge. I recently moved into a different position at work under a different manager. And by manager I mean tyrant; a tyrant who is channeling his inner asshole in a big way. I asked for a few extra minutes to be added to my break to allow me to pump and I was met with an intense bout of passive aggressive condescension that resulted in me being told that if I want extra time to “do that” I would have to do it “on my own time” because they “won’t pay for that”. So much for human rights legislation. Did you know that your employer has a duty to accommodate a reasonable request to allow you to breastfeed or express milk for your child? Well my manager still doesn’t. In Canada your employer is supposed to work with you to come to a fair, paid, accommodation to allow you to express breast milk provided it does not cause undue hardship. Apparently my request for 10 additional minutes once per day was unreasonable.

As much as I would like to fight the good fight, my past experience with crazy bosses that have god complexes and control issues has taught me that fighting the good fight will only intensify the scrutiny directed my way, and increase my own stress by exposing me to unnecessary conflict. I was completely shocked when my boss told me that he would dock my pay. It was hard to believe that in this day and age someone could be so draconian in their thinking. When I challenged him by telling him it was a human right, he asked me what I meant by that.

Breastfeeding is not the easy choice. Everyone has a different experience with it. I’m sure some mothers have an easy time, but many do not. I had difficulty with pain, blisters, latching and supply. It was a tough road at first. My husband was so supportive, but even so he encouraged me to consider formula because he hated to see me in so much pain. Beyond the physical pain there was the scrutiny. Breastfeeding is not something that most women seem to do for very long. The longer you do it the more scrutiny there is because most people don’t breastfeed for 6 months let alone 16. Fortunately I had a supportive work environment for the first 4 months after I returned, but I know this isn’t the case for most.

I am not one to take the easy road, so I’m thinking I’m in for an uphill battle here. The most realistic solution to this problem is switching departments (and in turn ditching the tyrant for a different manager), because nothing in this world is going to change my current manager into an understanding, supportive human being. In the mean time I guess I’ll be talking to my union rep. Wish me luck friends! I need it.